


Even if we're not together (our smile flowers bloom)

by blueaurora



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, I don't really like how it turned but, I'm Sorry, Light Angst, M/M, Maybe fluff, not really - Freeform, san centered, wooyoung is a bad boy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-17
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2020-05-13 16:31:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19254958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueaurora/pseuds/blueaurora
Summary: Not matter how many years has passed, or how many years will pass until the day of his death, Choi San always wakes up to the sound of his soulmate song as if it is his first time listening to it.





	Even if we're not together (our smile flowers bloom)

**Author's Note:**

> english is not my mother tongue so I really apologize for the mistakes I made. said that, enjoy this.
> 
> (tittle + song used from seventeen's smile flower)

Not matter how many years has passed, or how many years will pass until the day of his death, Choi San always wakes up to the sound of his soulmate song as if it is his first time listening to it.

It starts way before he opens his eyes, when he's still running through a gold field, the sunshine flowing directly from his fingers. That first second, when the music starts and hits his whole body. There's no lyrics, just the soft melody. And he feels he's able to fly.

Lyrics start to flow once he opens his eyes and the white ceiling welcomes him, small shiny stars all over the place.

_‘For some reason, suddenly, sometimes I keep thinking these days, how happy I am, how beautiful you are.’_

Even when he already memorized these words, when they made a home deep down his heart, he can't help but get goosebumps. He rolls in bed every single time, fingers intertwined, and closes his eyes again, listening to the song, knowing that his soulmate is awake too, whenever he is. And he stays like that until the music slowly fades.

_‘Our smile flowers will bloom’._

Always at the same part, always hugging him.

Maybe it's because of the soulmate song, a original song no one listened. Only him and his soulmate. Something very intimate, almost like a little treasure only he can pick up into his hands. Maybe because of that he can't get used to that and gets happy every morning.

He likes to sing in the shower and to dance on his way to class, sharing these moments with his soulmate.  
The thought of that song stopping never really bothered him, knowing that his soulmate would love it as much as him, singing it out loud once they meet.

One day, he will wake up in silence. Maybe a lot of years into the future, maybe that day is his last one. San doesn't care, as long as he gets to wake up next to the person he shared those lyrics for almost twenty years.

That's what he's used to think.

 

🌼

 

It's a ritual now for Yunho and San to hang out on Fridays after classes end. Usually, they go eat dinner, sometimes a whole pizza for themselves other times just some strawberry milkshakes. But lately they've been going to the recreatives, where not long ago Yunho meet the person he shared his personal song.

The boy in question is the one that puts on music on the local, so everything in him is related to music. And San never saw his friend happier than the night they met and his soulmate put on his song out loud, melody filling every corner of the place, galaxies floating in Yunho's eyes.

San still waits for the day he experiments the same feeling.

"It's like you're riding a bike on heaven," Yunho says when San asks him about what he felt when he met Hongjoong. "You know when we rode bikes on summer and the wind hit our faces?" San nods, remembering the times he used to travel around his small town on the hot summer days next to his friend, scratched knees and burned arms, but content heart. "Okay, that but one hundred times more intense. Maybe one thousand? I don't know, It's just amazing."

And San believes him.

Hongjoong introduces them a friend of his a few weeks after he met Yunho, and after another few weeks, in that ritual they had, San finds himself playing air hockey with a bubbly boy who has a rap song as a soulmate song.

"I won!" Yeosang cheers, smiling brightly, making a little victory dance at the other side of the table. "You're so bad at this."

"I am not," San rolls his eyes, looking at the 10-0 on the screen, trying to understand how he isn't able to note not even a single point. "You're just so good at this, Yeosang. Have you thought of playing professionally?"

San moves so they can reunite, Yeosang already crossing his arms, pouting as he thinks.

"That's possible?" He asks, staring at San as the latter shrugs. "Profesional air hockey?"

"Isn't slapping a sport now?" San says as he picks up his phone, looking at the hour. Only 8 pm.

Yeosang gasps, holding onto San's arm, letting the other boy lead him into the place. "Right!" The boy, as they walk, slaps him in the arm, giggling after that. "I saw that on TV! Maybe I can get air hockey as my job after all."

"Air hockey?" Hongjoong chuckles, hearing their conversation. He's sitting on his usual desk, a plate of nachos in front of him. "That's not a job, Sangie."

"And I'm sure you're not that good," Yunho interferes, smiling at them, already giving San that look. "Sani is just really really bad at air hockey."

Both Yeosang and Hongjoong giggle, the latter offering them a sit with them. San finally lets go of Yeosang and takes a sit next to Yunho, linking their pinkies for a second.

"At least I know how to play, not like y-" He stops mid-sentence, eyes closing automatically, hands running to his head.

"San?" Yunho says, alarming tone painting his voice. San can feel Yunho's hands over him, but nothing more.

The music is too loud, not the one that has been filling the recreatives since they arrived. No. The one inside his head.  
Suddenly it's too loud, and too distorted, piercing his ears from the inside.

It hurts.

"I'm okay," he manages to say, shaking his head. It hurts. He opens one eye, searching for Yunho, and gives him a soft smile before patting the back of his hand. "Just a headache."

He lies.

Not that he does it on purpose, because he doesn't know what's that piercing pain that hits him from time to time. So he associates it to a headache, even when deep down his own body is telling him is something more.

It's like a fire alarm ringing from time to time, but he's unable to find the fire.

"Do you want some medicine?" Yeosang offers but San is fast declining it.

He stands up before they can offer him anything, excusing himself into the bathroom. He bites down his lower lip, looking at his reflection in the mirror.

The song keeps on squeaking inside his mind.

_‘What if I lose you?’_

Again and again.

San covers his ears, letting the water flow. _'I hope you don't feel the same.'_

One of the doors opens then, revealing a boy who looks at him with a confused expression. San closes the tap and walks out without looking at his reflection again.  
The song stopped sounding.

"Are you okay?" Yunho asks.

"Yeah," San smiles fondly, squeezing his hand, "but I think I'll be going home now. I'll see you on Monday."

Yunho presses his lips together but doesn't try to change his mind, nodding and giving him a short hug. San takes a breath, feeling weird inside.

It was the first time listening to these lyrics of his song.

"Take a rest, okay?" Yunho mumbles.

"No need to worry about me. Bye, Yeosang," he waves at the boy, "bye, Hongjoong."

"Bye, San."

 

🌼

 

He arrives home twenty minutes later because he has to stop in a convenience store. His head is ringing, making his legs tremble. The same lyrics repeating in his head, loud, so loud.

It's the same song, the song he loves so much, yet there's something different. Something off. Something's not okay.

By the time he arrives home, he feels like he ran a marathon. He throws the keys on the couch and goes straight to the shower. It's silent this time.  
No song. No pain.

Just silence.

He grow up listening to that song, he learned how to walk with that song surrounding him. When he was scared of the dark, the sweet lyrics helped him to sleep. And when he got lost in the forest for hours at six, that song kept him company while he waited for his mom.

He has no bad memories of that song. Until now.

San looks at himself one more time before heading to bed. He texts Yunho to tell him he's alright and grabs a glass of water.

"For some reason, sometimes, suddenly, I keep thinking these days."

San stops, fingers still wrapped around the glass of water. His small kitchen is silent, as his mind. Yet, he can hear these words.

In a voice he's never hear before.

He starts shaking.

"How happy I am, how beautiful you are."

San's feet move without him noticing it, being dragged by the sound of that voice. He is scared, because he's supposed to be alone, but mostly because he recognizes these words.

And there's only one person, only one, in the world that can know these words as well.

He stops at the living room. There's a boy there, mumbling under his breath, looking into his drawers. A thief. A thief?  
But not only a thief.

San puts a hand on his chest, feeling his heartbeats.

"Whatever happens, just like always," the boy turns around on his heels, eyes meeting san's, "our smile flowers will bloom."

They speak at the same time. A beep pierces San's head right after that.

 

🌼

 

"You don't understand! He's my soulmate!" The boy retorts, both hands on the table. He then turns around to stare at San, one eyebrow arched. "C'mon tell him you're my soulmate."

The loud beep is still piercing him. San rubs his temple, trying to organize all the events that are taking place at the same time. He plays with his feet, hearing the loud voices at the other side of the small room. The tic tac of the clock is making him nervous. He feels like he's dreaming.

He was robbed - almost.

He also found his soulmate - the one who tried to steal his mother's Chinese vase.

His soulmate tried to rob him. And now both are at the police station, trying to explain the weird situation - and why they were so chill in the face of such situation.

The officer puts his eyes on San, sighing. It's 1 AM and they're not making any progress. San only called because he was scared, and because he didn't know what to do.

"It's true? You guys are soulmates?"

San looks down, intertwining his hands. His mind is blank, totally at peace after years. No song. No melody. Just the piercing beep.  
He always thought he'd be happy to find his soulmate, but reality always turns different. And sometimes, a little bit cruel.

His soulmate gives him everything but good vibes.

Dark hair and eye makeup, ears pierced and a lip ring, a neck tattoo. And, obviously, the fact he tried to rob him.

San always thought the lyrics of his song were related to his soulmate, but that guy wasn't like a flower at all. He was far from a golden field, walking over ice, on a cold gray winter.

"Mr. Choi?" The officer calls him again, waiting for his response.

The guy is looking at him too, lips pressed in a thin line. He looks pissed.

"Hmm, yeah," he finally mutters, pinching his nose, "we're soulmates." The boy smiles proudly, sitting back on his chair next to San, raising his arms in the air. "But we don't know each other. I just found him on my living room, I don't know how he entered."

The boy scoffs, hitting San's arm. "C'mon man! That's not nice of you."

San doesn't say a thing. The officer thanks him after that and obligates him to leave the room, his soulmate staying there. He turns around in the last minute, being able to catch the smirk in the face of the boy.

He can't hear a thing, but as he thought before, something's wrong. Very wrong.

 

🌼

 

"You found your soulmate? That's amazing! Also, another win for me, hehe," Yeosang smiles, scoring another point.

San looks up at the screen, that time he managed to score 2 point of 10. He sighs, giving Yeosang the tickets he won.

"I'm going to buy a teddy bear," the boy says, linking their arms together, "you know those super big? That one! Bet my soulmate will love it, the lyrics of our song are very soft, even for a rap."

San wants to laugh at that. He remembers his soulmate and their lyrics, nothing alike at all. If something, his voice was the only thing that matches that song. The rest of him is just part of a big joke destiny played on him.

He found his soulmate but hasn't hear of him in days. Actually, he was the one calling the cops, but he only did it because he was scared. That boy appeared randomly in his living room, he really thought he was going to die.

What Yunho told him was a lie. He didn't feel at all like riding a bike on heaven, he felt like someone punched him in the stomach.

It has passed five days since that night, five days without hearing his song in the morning. The worst five days of his life.

"So, tell me," Yeosang speaks as they sat down in their usual table, moving his brows at him, "how's your soulmate?"

San snorts. "I don't know," he says, saying the truth, "I haven't talked with him that much. He tried to rob me, then I called the cops on him. I don't know what happened to him after that, but he had a neck tattoo, so maybe he's from a gang."

Yeosang stares at him, lips parted and confused expression. San kinda wants to press the little wrinkle on his forehead but retains himself intertwining his fingers. "Well, that's crazy."

"I know."

San sighs, shrinking on his seat. He lets Yeosang order milkshakes and allows himself to daydream a little.

He takes a deep breath and imagines -

He wakes up one morning and his soulmate is sleeping next to him. He knows his name but can’t remember it. It's something cool, a dying name, something they must preserve. He kinda loves the name, and how it dances on his tongue every time he calls for him. He allows himself to caress his skin and watch his sleeping face, the happiness that accompanied him for years in form of a melody snoring softly right next to him. He feels happy.

Yeosang touches his hand, giving him the strawberry milkshake. The boy asks more about his soulmate and San wants to tip his milkshake all over the table.

He drinks slowly and imagines-

That he's not alone in the dark of his room. The stars in the ceiling shining and a hand playing with his fingers. His soulmate is there, telling him about that way he climbed to the top of a tree and broke his arm. San listens and it's not afraid of the dark anymore.

"Sani, it's your soulmate like the main character of a wattpad story?" Yeosang clicks his tongue trying to call his attention.

"What?"

Yeosang giggles a little, finger pointing at something at his back. For some reason, San already knows before turning back. That special beeping drilling his head from the inside.

His soulmate is right there, walking in his direction. San quickly turns to Yeosang. "We have to go."

"I admit he looks totally like the son of a gang leader, but he's your soulmate, give him an opportunity," he mutters in a whisper, quickly putting on a smile. "Oh, hi Mr. Soulmate."

San can't look up.

"Hi," his voice sounds just as he always thought. "Hey, you, can we talk?"

San doesn't move. He has to admit he's scared. As much as he likes to think he's always ready for everything, he has to admit there's always a first time for everything. That situation is a first time. A first time being unsure of his actions; a first time being scared; a first time prefering to run away instead of taking a talk with his soulmate.

He waited all his life to meet that person, what an irony is his life.

"Oh, I see Jongho," Yeosang does something for the first time too and betrays San, standing up and waving at him, "I'll be back in 10 minutes, Sani."

_Please don't go._

The boy occupies Yeosang's spot, sitting right in front of him. San doesn't want to look at him but ends up doing it. The red light is shining in his black hair, making it look a little bit purple. His piercings make his face glow in a way San never thought he would like.

And he likes it way too much.

"Well," the boy talks, fingers drumming on the table. "Your name is Sani?"

He wants to stop and imagine again, a situation in where he meets his soulmate on his way home from class. He's drawing in the park and San happens to block the view. Cliché. Heart throbbing. Not like that.

A boy stealing an old vase, and the melody he loved the most.

"San," he corrects. It's too soon for a nickname, he thinks. "Choi San."

"Aw, cute," the boy smiles, face resting in one of his hands. He's looking at San with a smirk he can't decode. "I'm Wooyoung. I don't think we met in the right circumstances."

San can't agree more with that.

"Hmmm."

"I'm sorry for the, you know, thing. It wasn't my intention."

San sighs. "Are you trying to tell me you got in my house by error?" San asks, watching how the light create small galaxies in the boy's big eyes.

The other blinks, looking innocent for a moment. Just a moment. He goes back to that cocky smirk in less than five seconds. It makes San shiver.

"Well, yes? It wasn't my intention to get in your house. You know, robbing my soulmate wasn't on my priority list."

"Oh, I see," the way San talks surprises even him. In every single scenario he made up in his head, he was smiling and looking at his soulmate as if he was the sun. Same look Yunho has on his face every time he looks at Hongjoong. But right now, as he's sitting right in front of him, a rock pushing his chest back, he can't bring back any of those scenarios. They're vanishing as fast as the lyrics of the song. "Is that your job? If you can call that a job."

Pretty boy roses a brow, smirking right after. He covers his mouth with a hand, rings shining under the red light. "Do you believe in destiny?" He asks, totally avoiding his question.

San never liked that kind of things. He used to hit Yunho in the forehead every time the boy refused to answer his questions and that was when they were five years old and were sitting in a sandbox, talking about which Pokemon was better. So, he frowns, finally showing any type of emotion towards his soulmate.

So sad it was annoyance.

"Please, answer my question," he retorts.

Wooyoung is staring at him, but he doesn't say a thing. He plays with the ring in his lip, almost as if he's carefully thinking his next words. And San can't help but feel a little empty inside.

Yunho's song is playing in the speakers, he can even hear his laugh somewhere. Enjoying his time with Hongjoong, the one who brought their song to life just so they could keep on listening to it. San doesn't remember his song at all, as if was part of some beautiful dream reality took away from him without asking him if it was okay.

"It was a bet," Wooyoung finally says, small voice and shoulders shrinking a little. "I didn't know it was your house. If I had knew…"

San stops and imagines again-

He is a kid and he just fell while riding his bike. Yunho is crying next to him, there's blood covering his skin and his favorite pants. The sun is still shining brightly in the middle of the sky but San feels chills running all over his body. His song isn't playing at all, he feels alone and scared. And just like in every movie he watched, an alarm pops out inside his head, telling him there's a problem.

He is in danger.

"I wouldn't have done it," Wooyoung chuckles, standing up. "I don't know about you, but I don't believe in the soulmate system at all. And I don't think we'll get along," he points. "It was nice, the song. I really loved it. I'm sorry for breaking in your house and, you know, sealing our bond. We'd be happier if we hadn't met."

The alarm doesn't stop. He is in danger.

"Everything cool, right?" Wooyoung's voice sounds distant, as if he's drowning in a cold ocean.

San can't breathe, that rock pushing him down and down and down in the ocean. The beep rings again. ' _What if I lose you?'_

"Yeah," San says after a seconds, tears crowding in his eyes. "It's okay."

He doesn't listen to Wooyoung's reply after that, and next thing he knows, Yeosang is shaking him by the shoulders, tears blurring his vision.

_‘I can cry because it's you.’_

 

🌼

 

There's a movie playing in Yunho's television, but San couldn't care less about the title. It has ninjas and blood, explosions and lot of punches. Not San's favourites. Not even Yunho's favourites. They're both watching it because, lately, San hasn't been himself.

San hasn't been nothing at all for the past weeks.

He wakes up in silence.

There's no melody, and there's no dream he wants to cling to. No gold field anymore, no blue clouds making a bed for him, no sunshine kissing his eyelids. It's gray.

Gray as Wooyoung's smokey eye makeup.

It's been weeks since San hasn't slept well, waking up in the middle of the night, in silence.

He misses the way his song would wake him up, how the sweet melody would make him sing in the shower at 7 AM, or dance on his way to class. He's slowly forgetting the lyrics.

"San," Yunho calls out for him, "here."

Yunho makes the best hot chocolate. San picks the cup, feeling the warmth fill his hands.

"How are you feeling?" Yunho gives him that worried look, sitting next to him in the couch. He pats his leg, another building exploding on the TV screen.

San shrugs.

"Do you want something to eat?"

San shrugs.

"San…" Yunho sighs, standing up. "Okay. You can sleep here. Just call me if you need anything."

Yunho turns the TV off and walks out, leaving only a light on. San snuggles in the couch, leaving the cup on the table.

Again, there's silence.

 

🌼

 

San is fifteen and having his heart broken for the first time. Standing in the middle of the corridor he feels like he's dying, heart pounding inside his chest, watery eyes as he looks at Seonghwa. The boy is only a year above, but he looks unreachable.

He looks at San without saying a thing, then he looks around. From his lips escapes a little "I'm sorry" as he walks out, leaving him alone.

People stare at him, they whisper, they point. San wants to run away, feeling that pain piercing his chest: the pain of rejection. He's ready to cry his eyes out when the melody starts to sound in his mind, as if someone opened a music box.

The music starts softly, distant, but soon that's the only thing he's able to hear. The music surrounds him, caress him with the softness of a feather.

_‘I wanna hug you_  
_But I feel nervous for some reason_  
_Why I am hesitating?_

_I don't wanna be like this’_

 

He loves that song.

He used to love that song with his whole heart. Always there for him, as if his soulmate knew every time he was suffering, giving him a reason to keep on going.

He opens the tap, letting the water flow. It's cold as his hands. He washes his face, trying to whip the tiredness away.

It's 3 AM and he can't sleep.

"You should change the door lock," Wooyoung says when he exists the bathroom and puts a foot in the living room, eyes fixed in the boy looking through his collection of Bastille CD's. He's not surprised to find the boy here. "You know, it's so easy to break in. What's your favorite? Mine is Bad Blood." He asks, raising the CD, still not looking at San.

San stands in the middle of the living room, not even caring about turning on the lights. He just looks at Wooyoung, and the fact he's wearing a white t-shirt.

"Oblivion," San musters up enough energy to walk a few steps. "What are you doing here?"

"Paying you a visit," Wooyoung sticks his tongue out, showing him the metal of the piercing he has there. "Your friend called me. Tall one? Blue hair? Very soft, but also very annoying."

Yunho, of course. San rolls his eyes and lets the force of gravity take him, falling into the couch. He has shiny stars on the ceiling of the living room too, they're beautiful.

The view of the stars disappears when Wooyoung leans in, raising an eyebrow at him.

"He told me you've been weeping because of me."

San turns around, face facing one of the cushions. Wooyoung sats down at the end of the couch, patting one of his legs. San shrinks.

"It's okay. I told you. It's okay. I'm going to call the cops on you again."

"Please, don't."

Wooyoung giggles and San is sure he's able to feel the sunlight kissing his skin for the first time in weeks.

It hurts.

Knowing the person that accompanied him all his life decided to just abandon him, hurts. That maybe he was the only one that enjoyed the song, hurts.

Forgetting all the lyrics, hurts the most.

"Just like the sky is high and the wind is cold, like the ocean is wide and blue," Wooyoung starts mumbling, fingers drumming on San's leg. "I'm afraid that I'll take you for granted."

He stops, one finger hitting San's forehead. The boy moves, facing Wooyoung then. "I think that's why I'm being like this."

Wooyoung pinches San's cheek, shooting him another smirk. "Ah, I loved that song. I wrote down the lyrics when I was fifteen. Crazy. I miss listening to it, and I think you do too. Right?"

The lyrics are blurry in San's mind, as if Wooyoung's words woke a sleeping part of him. The lyrics he loved the most. His song. Their song.

"San," Wooyoung says his name as he knows him. As if they spent their life together, holding hands while crossing the river or making pinky promises at night under his pokemon covers.

Not like a total stranger that liked to break in without asking.

Wooyoung looks at him like he knows every inch of his soul, and maybe he does. Maybe he's able to understand all the pain San is going through.

"I used to wake up to the song," San gets up, covering his eyes with both hands. "I can't hear anything but a beep since we meet."

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. Not your fault," he repeats. "I can force you to love me. We're soulmates, not lovers. And now, there's nothing holding us together now."

"When I first did my tongue piercing, I cried like a baby," Wooyoung interrupts him, crossing his arms, and San frowns at the thought of him ignoring him.

So, he gathers a little bit of force and arches a brow, staring at him. Wooyoung is calm, just as the song their shared, he easily flows.

"What?"

"It hurt a lot," he insists, showing it to him, "but it's cute. Mingi had one since forever and I really wanted to get one. But it hurt, and I cried, and Mingi laughed at me. I couldn't eat nothing but pap for a week and I got really irritating. Like, a lot. But, you helped me."

San lets out a chuckle, a little sad, a little tired, and maybe a little scared of the way his heart reacts to these words.

"Every time I was in a bad mood, the song started sounding. Sometimes…" Wooyoung smiled, eyes closing as he stretched out, "I thought you knew when I needed to cheer up."

Wooyoung stands up, putting on his jacket. His fingers run through his hair.

"I liked that one part a lot. _I'll be the spring of your smile._ "

It takes a second for San to go back to his eighth birthday. He's eating chocolate cake, Yunho is trying to get cream on the face of his sister, it's summer. But there are flowers everywhere, almost as if the spring was still with them.

San loves spring.

"You need to stop breaking into my house."

"Then change the door lock," Wooyoung puts a hand on San's cheek. He leans in, nose touching his skin, making him shiver, "I'm sorry for what I said to you. About us. I'm scared. I'm really scared of taking things for granted because we're soulmates, and that it'll lead me to hurt you. I thought you'd be better without me, because I am me… and you are you. But in the end, I did what scared me the most."

His lips meet San's forehead, leaving a sweet kiss.  
"I'm so sorry."

San stops and thinks.

One day, he will wake up in silence. Maybe a lot of years into the future, maybe he already meet that day. But he doesn't care, as long as he gets to wake up next to the person he shared those lyrics for almost twenty years

"There's a spare key under the doormat," San says in a small voice.

And next morning, when he wakes up, he does it in silence. But he still manages to smile.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading this!  
> actually, I don't know what I tried to tell with this, I just wrote the first thing that came to my mind. I'm sorry if it doesn't make sense at all, this is my first fully writing thing in english and I'm not used to the right way of expressing things. 
> 
> if you leave kudos/comments I'll be so happy!
> 
> follow me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/bubblesani) if you want to read more from me!


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